shamu in a tutu
i love ballet. ballet to me is something that is absolute freedom. it’s the one place where i feel competent and capable; creative yet disciplined; and despite the hardships that i had to overcome throughout my history in ballet, it sings to my soul.
with the bar exam finished, and with my new meds seeming to have me on an even keel, i decided to seek out an adult ballet class and start taking classes again. my first class was last thursday.
after a rough start, it was magnificent.
there’s a clique of four students in that class that made some nasty comments aimed at me before class that almost made me turn around and never go back. in murmurs just loud enough for me to hear, they questioned how i would ever get off the floor in jumps and called me “shamu in a tutu”.
and i was really hurt.
and i immediately took ownership in their words and allowed them to take complete control of my mind….
…and then i remembered my DBT:
I HAD TO TAKE HOLD OF MY MIND
i heard their words, and i observed the feelings that arose from them.
i feel insecure about my weight
i’m feeling embarrassed
my eyes are getting teary
and once i had done that, i was able to say to myself, “it’s okay. they have absolutely no power over me. i’ve studied ballet for longer than they have. i’ve paid my dues, i have just as much a right to be here as they do…and by god, i’m going to take this class!”
and i did and i held my own and i did it FOR ME and it felt DAMN GOOD.
